Hmmmm. It would be an understatement to say I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today….
Are you with me?
I really woke up not wanting to do life today. Not wanting to clean or change diapers or transport a cranky teen to school or tie shoes or do dishes or do laundry or pretend I care. Pretend I care??? Can you hear the attitude adjustment needing delivered already???
My, oh my…
So I was faced with a choice.
Either continue on as is today, holding on to the blah blah blah, rolling in my misery, wearing grrrrrr all over my face to be seen miles away…I’m good at that…grrrrrrrr….GRRRRRRR….
Choose to pass this crabbiness on to those who I hold dear to my heart, or choose to somehow release this funk, this yucky spirit that took hold of me before I even got out of bed…
Release. Release I say….
Not working. It’s so damn easy to let life pull you down. Faced with a tough choice late last week, I think it’s safe to say I’ve let it take my joy. My heart was forced to choose between right and wrong, choosing between loving someone and loving someone enough to tell them no. To stand on the truth is not always the easiest route. It’s easier to lie. To pretend. To coddle and toss it around searching for just a speck of truth in that wad of lies.
While it’s not hard to be honest, lets be honest, it sucks being honest, especially about the stuff that hurts. The stuff we don’t want to see about ourselves or others. Sometimes it becomes much easier to walk around depressed and angry, not socializing or getting out, laughing only in the comfort of your own home, hiding, pretending…
Mmmmmm…
As I sat down to read my devotionals, tears flow…
Stopping myself from going down the road of how did I get here?
Why?
When?
Where?
What are you doing????
I had to stop. I draw a deep breath. I listen. I look out the window. I sip my hot coffee.
I hear you, He says. Even though you can’t speak what’s on your heart, I hear you. I see you, He says. As bright as the sun is shining today, I see you searching for what’s good around you. I see you. I see you fighting with every last ounce of strength you have. I’m here to tell you to hold on. Hold on. Hold on to me. You can’t do this alone. I’ll meet you where you are, even if that is alone, depressed, hurt, angry, grieving, stressed, hopeless. I’ll be there every time, whether you see Me or not, whether you hear Me or not, I’m here. I’m all around you. Just look. Have faith. Stand firm. Fight. Lean on Me. Watch what I can do. Wait for Me to deliver. In My time. See where I’ve put you. Glorify Me through you. Share Me. Accept Me. Accept Me as I accept you.

Sometimes you don’t feel accepted by those around you…family, friends, co-workers, spouses…
Sometimes you feel like you’re drifting out in the vast ocean, swimming barely enough to stay alive. Alone. Cold. Seasick. Lifesick.
Sometimes life is great, the good stuff is easy to see, prayers have been answered, thankfulness is abundant. Joy is present.
Sometimes you’re stuck somewhere between believing and doubt. Things are gray. Fear is everywhere.
Sometimes.
Sometimes?
All the time.
All the time, God is present. God shook me enough this morning to make me see my happiness, my joy, is not dependent on others around me. It’s not dependent on how clean my house is. It’s not dependent on what my hair looks like today.
But it is a choice.
It’s a heart choice.
It’s a choice to say hey, I messed up, please forgive me, and guide me to make it right…
It’s a choice to find peace, resting your heart in His care. It’s a choice to see the things He plants around you as flowers or weeds. To see difficulties as a chance to grow. To pluck out the weeds. To water the flowers. To sow the seeds. To plant the garden. To tend to your heart. To use His love as a chance to grow. To see His hand as a mighty force that is pruning you. Shaping you. Completing you. You. Me.

Somedays I’m so blind to the good stuff. The obvious stuff I take for granted, is the same stuff that puts me in check. The hugs, the challenges of toddlers, the attitude of a teen, the mommy I need a drinks, the will you come get me nows, the food on my table, the gas in my van, the screams, the tears, the laughter…
These things will never complete me. These things will never make me whole. I can search all day for validity in the dirty laundry. I can look for forever for my worth in the money I make. I won’t find it. I’ll be searching as long as I live….
As I live…
As I live, I’ve found one thing that makes me whole. The love God has for me. The Son He gave to die, so I could live. So I could be right here, right now, at the foot of the cross, washing away the guilt and shame and crabbiness.
Asking to be forgiven. Asking for guidance. Asking for the right words to say. Asking for patience. Asking for mercy.
Thanking Him for the strength He granted as I could not find it this morning to face the day. Thanking Him for the love notes all around me. The giggles, the sun, the chirping birds, the songs on the radio, the clothes on my back, the hearts that look to me for love, the man God sent me to do life with, the friends I suck at being friends with, my family….
Thanking Him for finding me. Finding me today, and every time that I am lost. Every time it’s good and every time it’s not. Every time I run and hide. Every time my arms are wide open. Every time.
He never left. He waits. He offers mercy. He hugs you with grace. He will stand by as you embrace faith. Whatever it takes. A journey not always easy. But so worth it.
Embrace faith. Believe. Take it for yours. Joy. Victory. Happiness. Today. Tomorrow. In the midst of trial. On the road to success. Uphill or down. At the top. Or rock bottom.

Ok….
Attitude adjustment.
Check.
Humbled.
Check.
Smiling.
Check.
Glory to God.
Check.

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things [which He has called me to do] through Him who strengthens and empowers me [to fulfill His purpose—I am self-sufficient in Christ’s sufficiency; I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him who infuses me with inner strength and confident peace.]

Proverbs 17:22
A happy heart is good medicine and a joyful mind causes healing,
But a broken spirit dries up the bones.

Give Grace A Hug❤️

 

Am I the only mom who squeezes in her quiet time in the bathroom??? Like I tell the kids, “ok, mommy has to go to the bathroom, I’ll be back in a minute.” HA. I run, I escape, i scurry to put the lid down and just sit there. It really is the only place I can find silence some days. I can laugh now as I read this, but seriously, in the moment, it’s like the first taste of chocolate after a fast or that fresh breath of air as you step outside into the crisp morning…so sought. So necessary. So ridiculous. So me. After a phone conversation with someone I hold dear to my heart this morning, this someone I really haven’t talked to much at all lately, this someone who can always relate, this someone whom I’ve neglected to be a friend to, is struggling with the same things I am. 
It just hit me.

Us moms, us dads, us parents, be us single or married or be us working or not, be us in this together, but yet worlds away.
As I’m squeezing in my “potty time”, I rehash our conversation. All over the place, up, down, one subject to the next, different scenarios, yet we are both the same. 

Frazzled. Impatient. Feeling guilty. Wanting to be the best mom, wife, friend we can be, but struggling to get laundry done, chores, homework, free time, let alone read a book to our littlest without falling asleep, or listen to the stories of the day without our minds wandering all over the things we didn’t accomplish or the things we need to… 

Which brings me to this one statement we both agreed upon. 

I’m trying to find balance. 

Balance. 

What the heck is balance?

Define balance.

A condition in which different elements are equal or in the correct proportions.

Hmmmm. 

Or this definition: an even distribution of weight enabling someone or something to remain upright and steady.

Ok, bear with me with one more: stability of one’s mind or feelings.

Balance. 

I’m still working on that.

Been thinking about it a lot.

Trying to find it, implement it, live it. 

How do we do it? 

How do we keep different elements of our lives in proportion? How do we balance extra curricular activities with the time left on the clock? How do we balance homework and prayer? Dinner and sports? Chores and sleep? Work and play? Where is the healthy balance? What do we let go of to maintain balance? Heck, to even find balance? Let alone maintain it. 

Which brings me to the thought of it’s no wonder I can’t keep my balance, I can’t stand up straight, because I’m so wrapped up in searching for it, how can I keep it? I fall over. Face first. I dip here, dabble there, never finish and am constantly treading to keep my balance. 

How do you stand up when you’re juggling life? When your own demons surface? When the silent inner battles are destroying the balance of your own two emotional feet, in the meantime, you are steady trying to balance kids and work and your spouse and life while longing for balance of your heart, your mind, your soul…

Balance. 

Somedays are so good I can’t keep my balance. Some days are so bad I can’t keep my balance. Somedays I can’t even balance the checkbook let alone throw in laundry, dry it, fold it and put it away. 

Let’s throw in eating healthy, exercising, showering, cooking, cleaning, working, playing. Sleep is overrated, right? 

Balance. 

This word just keeps haunting me. I want to find it. Shake it. Tell it to leave me alone. 

Dirty word balance. 

Maybe I like trying to walk around on one foot, all tipsy, teetering, swaying, grasping for balance….

Or maybe. I don’t. 

Maybe I’m always going to be searching for my balance. Life kinda knocks me off my feet now and again. Ok, maybe daily. Maybe one day I got this in the bag. Maybe the next day I don’t. I forget I’m human sometimes. I search for answers in the wrong places. I turn to find comfort in things I shouldn’t. I wall up. I hide. I give in. I fight. I walk away. I run. I fly. 

Trying to find balance. 

Balance with everything. 
My heart just aches for us. All of us. Who isn’t trying to find balance? Whether it’s because you work too many hours, your family life is strained? Or maybe it’s finding balance with prayer and time with God versus your morning exercise routine? Maybe it’s finding balance with kid time versus significant other time? I think we are all looking to find our balance while we surf the waves of life…

When we fall off of our board and just say screw it, I wanted to swim anyway….

That’s when we find balance. When we realize we will probably never perfect it. Not with a house full of children, mouths to be fed, sports to be played, homework to be written, chores to be tackled, a job to be worked, boo boos to be kissed. This is our balance. All outta whack. Upside down. Inside out. Perfectly insane. Yet perfect. With God’s grace, He will give us our balance. He will stand us up when we are about to topple over. He hears our hearts. He sees us tipping. He meets us where we are. He picks us up. He reminds us, through the simplest of things, like phone chats, that we’re not alone. We’re not alone in trying to find balance. We’re not alone in feeling like we’re not enough. We’re not alone in trying our hardest yet still failing. We aren’t alone. We never were. 

My heart cries out, but my voice overpowers, then my mind talks even louder. Thank God He hears my heart. He hears me asking for forgiveness for my impatience and short temper. He hears my sobs as I try to wash dishes, help with homework, attempt supper. He hears my longing for a friend to confide in. He hears my desire to be a better mom, spouse, friend, and a better me. He stands in front of me when I’m trying to avoid Him. He awakens me when I’m drifting off. He holds my hand when there is nothing else I can do but kneel, beg for guidance, mercy and grace. He is for me. He is for us. As parents, as families, as people. Trying to find balance in an unbalanced world. 

Maybe balance is in His hands and was never ours to begin with. Maybe His hands are all we need to keep that balance. Maybe with more grace, forgiveness and mercy, balance will seem more attainable. Maybe…

Maybe a little of God’s touch is all we need to balance our chaos, our voices, our hearts, our lives…

Maybe if we just gave grace a hug. Over and over and over. Again and again. Balance of the heart will become a reality. Grace will balance us. Steady us. Transform us. Shake us. Shape us. Balance us. Hold us. Move us. Upright us. 

Maybe…just maybe…Maybe I’ll take that chance. Maybe with Him, I’ll stop searching for balance, seek Him more and start seeing what’s right in front of me. Imperfection at it’s balanced best. 

Give Grace A Hug❤️