Mom?

Yes.

You.

The one who can barely get out of bed and get yourself ready let alone get the kids ready for school.

Do I have to do this again?

Pack lunch.

Brush hair.

Brush teeth.

Eat.

Caffeinate.

Run.

Cook.

Clean.

Repeat.

Caffeinate.

Sit.

No.

You don’t sit.

In the car maybe during all the trips to and fro.

After school.

Shoot.

Afternoon chaos.

Sports.

Homework.

Meal.

One eye open at the supper table.

Will you make it to bedtime?

Dead tired.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

The one who gets up extra early to exercise and shower and dress for work.

Looking fresh and clean.

Stunning.

Not wanting to leave your babies with someone else.

But.

You must.

You get up everyday.

Pack the bags.

Forget to eat.

Caffeinate.

Drop off.

Leave with tears in your eyes.

Make it through the day to only to go home where you left off.

Clean.

Cook.

Laundry.

Pack bags.

Flop in bed.

Dead tired.

Just to get up and do it all again.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Grandma?

Yes.

You.

You are doing the unthinkable.

Taking care of your grandchildren.

You play both roles.

You don’t even know what to call your own self.

Except tired.

Exhausted.

You care give till you’re spent.

You try to treat all the same.

You set boundaries.

You put up walls.

You forgot to call.

You have forgotten yourself.

Heck you’ve forgotten everyone else.

Just because you’re tapped out.

You don’t know how tomorrow will get done let alone the day you’re in.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

On your good days you are good.

So good.

Dishes.

Floors.

Laundry.

Dusting.

Cookies.

Actually put jeans on.

Makeup.

Girrrrrrrrl.

On your bad days you are so bad.

It hurts to move.

Getting up is all you can do.

It is all you do.

Dishes?

Ha.

Floors.

Meh.

Laundry.

Do it yourself.

Dust.

Bahahahaha.

Cookies.

Do dog biscuits count?

Makeup.

Heck no.

Jeans.

Mmmmmm, not today.

You really don’t care.

Oh deep down you do.

But it is not evident anywhere near the surface.

Not today.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

The step mom.

The other mom.

The un-biological mom.

The foster mom.

The mom who just wants them to love you as much as you try to love them.

You want your family to fit the mold.

You want to be liked.

Shoot.

Respected would be enough.

You pour their cup before your own.

Cook.

Clean.

Wash.

Dry.

Try to keep it normal.

Give.

Take.

Yell.

Blame.

Hurt.

Forgive.

Try again.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

You are at every sporting event.

Choir concert.

Program.

Parents meeting.

No matter how hard it is to get out.

To face being in public.

You get through with your fists clenched and looking straight ahead.

Eye contact.

Please no.

Converse.

Oh God help you.

Pretend you’re good when on the inside you know you’re not.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Worried what’s next.

Tense.

Running through your own mind.

Glancing over the shoulder.

Burying your face in your phone.

Love to watch your child play or perform.

Severely dislike going where it’s too peopleeeey.

Stick it out because you love them.

It’s not about you.

It’s still a challenge every time though.

You look around at all the groups chatting and laughing away.

It stings a bit.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

You’re Mom.

You’re Dad.

It doesn’t even matter where Dad is.

Why he’s not around.

Why he left.

Why he can’t man up.

You love your kids enough for the both of you.

Hard.

Unending.

With all your heart.

Somedays you enjoy having them all to your self.

Other days.

Please.

Someone.

Help.

Hard not to be bitter.

Hard to not wanna throw your hands up.

You continue on.

Just for them.

Because they deserve it.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

You are happily married.

You stay at home.

You love your husband.

You appreciate all he does.

For you.

For the kids.

He works a lot.

You are alone a lot.

You cook for everyone.

You eat your food cold.

Shuffle kids to all their stuff.

He’s not home yet.

You long for the connection that used to be.

You wonder where you went.

You try to find yourself at the bottom of the dishes or that pile of laundry.

You give your all.

No wonder there’s nothing left.

Mom.

I see you.

Mom?

Yes.

You.

Mom?

I was you.

Mom?

I am you.

We are so much more alike than our outward appearance may show.

Our hearts beat in time.

Yet to a totally different drum.

Our hearts hurt and laugh the same.

Our minds race together.

Yet on separate tracks.

Mom?

You hear me?

Everyday I wake up I pick up my pieces and I tote them around.

I carry the weight of not only who I was but also who I am.

I look around at other moms who “look” like I wanna feel.

Together.

Organized.

Happy.

Mom.

Ever feel like this?

As Mom I spend a lot of time focusing on what I don’t do.

What I did wrong.

What I didn’t complete.

What time I didn’t spend.

What errand I didn’t run.

What form I forgot to fill out.

Mom.

Do you do this?

I don’t ever take time to think about what I did do or have done.

That would be gloating, right?

Selfish?

Full of myself?

Mom.

Is this you?

Countless hours are spent caring for our children, our house, our significant other, our pets, our jobs.

Me time.

Shoot.

When I get to go to the store alone.

When I sleep.

Please don’t think I can go to the bathroom alone.

Ha.

Mom?

You know what I mean?

One of my devotions today, that I finally sat down to read, was about loving as-is.

Loving as-is.

My mind keeps replaying this.

As-is.

We love others as-is.

Or at least we try.

It is not always easy.

Once again, to do this, we have to move ourselves out the way.

As-is.

Mom.

Mom.

What if we loved ourselves as-is?

The way we are right now.

Messy.

Put together.

Late.

Early.

Mad.

Sad.

Alone.

Depressed.

Fearful.

Anxious.

Nervous.

Beautiful.

Fat.

Skinny.

Complicated.

Easy.

As-is.

Mom.

Take me as I am.

I’m me.

I love me for that.

I don’t want to be you.

I just want to be a better me.

Yes?

Mom.

I want to stand beside you as you fall.

I want to hold your hand during that hard time.

I want to cheer you on.

I want you to know you are not alone.

I’m there with you.

I’ve been there.

I am there.

I respect you even though we’re not the same.

I see your heart.

Damn.

If it feels stuff anything like mine does, we are more alike than we thought.

As-is.

An as-is Mom.

Everyday loving herself as-is while she loves others as-is.

Who tries to be a better version of herself today than who she was yesterday.

That’s the Mom I wanna be.

Today I’m just glad I have a Heavenly Father who loves me as-is.

Who pulls me in and whispers I love you when I need it most.

Who reminds me His grace is not earned by what work I do.

Unearned favor.

As-is.

He loves me as-is.

Mom.

Yes.

You.

He loves you too.

As-is.

Today I hope and pray for us to love ourselves more.

As-is.

We can’t pour from an empty cup.

Drained is an understatement most days.

Empty.

Yes.

The good thing.

Our cup is refillable.

Refillable.

Thank God.

Take time for yourself today.

Mom.

Yes.

You.

He loves you.

I love you.

Keep going.

When in doubt ask Him.

He’ll help you find your way.

Pray.

Hold on.

Keep loving.

Them.

And yourself.

As-is.

2 Corinthians 12:8-9

8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

#givegraceahug