GO GET IT!!! WAIT. Maybe I still got it. Maybe I just folded it up with a million, tiny creases and shoved it in my pocket. Shoved it in my pocket so far down. Buried under the pocket fuzz. Pushed so far down I forget it was even there. Buried under life. Smothered by fear. Washed over and over again just like the endless loads of laundry at my feet. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Wash. Rinse. Repeat. Get up. Fall down. Believe. Don’t. Fearless. Fearful. Regrets. Remorse. Pain. Purpose. Buried. At the bottom of myself. Where did I go? Where have I been? I’ve forgotten how to laugh. And I’ve forgotten how much I love to laugh. I’ve forgotten that giggles and sticky fingers and schoolwork and dirty floors used to be my mantra. What has happened to me?
Life. Fear. Fear of everything. Anxiousness. Control. Lack of control. Loss of passion. Loss of self. Wrapped up in sheets. Covered in sheets. Smothered in sheets. Tangled. Sheets of grief. Sheets of anger. Sheets of fear and loss. Sheets of depression and stress. Sheets of unforgiveness. The same sheets I thought were keeping me warm and shielding me, protecting me and blanketing me, are, ARE SMOTHERING ME. With every breath suffocating the life I used to love. My life I used to love. Love. I used to love. I used to.
I can’t count the times I’ve been knocked down and got back up. Fell down and got back up. Pushed myself down and got back up. Let myself fall and got back up. Tripped and got back up. Stumbled and got back up. Mistake after mistake and got back up. Choice after bad choice and got back up.
I can’t count.
Endless.
I seem to have shoved myself into my own pocket and forgotten who I am.
Who I want to be.
Who’s I am.
I can’t live down there any more.
Squished and squeezed.
Buried.
Just begging to get out, but I can’t even hear my own pleas.
Grace.
If it wasn’t for grace.
Thank God for saving grace.
He hears my pleas.
Sends me grace.
Sheets of grace.
Time and time again.
You never know when it might wash over you, or cover you or save you….
But you will feel it.
It hugs you. Warms you. Renews you. Blankets you. Comes in so many ways, so many shapes and so many forms.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat.
As many times as you feel dirty and unclean, grace will cleanse your soul. Rinse away your dirt…
Repeat. Over and over and over if necessary. When necessary. Always necessary.
Let grace in.
Allow it to seep in your brokenness, let it fill your pockets, wash your dirty sheets, and cleanse your soul, standing you back up on your feet again. And again. And again.
Let grace in.
Let it in.
Give it.
Give grace.
Give Grace A Hug❤️